1 Quote to INSPIRE You

When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.

 – Brene Brown


1 Thought and 1 Challenge to EMPOWER You

When we feel empowered, we are clear on what we will tolerate in our lives and what we won’t. We also understand that we cannot control what other people do and that our mental health is our responsibility and so, when there is something we won’t tolerate, we implement a boundary.


A boundary is different than a threat or an ultimatum because it doesn’t punish the other person and it doesn’t request anything of them. It is an expression or declaration of what WE will do if they cross our boundary, giving us in total control of the outcome.


An example of a boundary is, “If you yell at me, I will leave the room”. This is much different then telling someone, “You are not allowed to yell at me”.


In the latter scenario, you have no control over whether they listen to you or not, as the action (not yelling) is 100% their responsibility. Because of that, you are still potentially exposed to the behavior you don’t want to tolerate. In the former scenario, you are in total control and protected from the unwanted behavior, as the action in the boundary is 100% your responsibility (i.e., leaving the room).


Boundary setting can be uncomfortable for many people but, the alternative is built up resentment, especially if it is a boundary that is continually crossed, which can be hard on a relationship.


Thought to Practice: Because boundary setting can feel uncomfortable, remind yourself that it is actually a loving thing to do for your relationship with the other person, as it will reduce resentment.


Challenge: Think about the relationships you have in your life. Is there anywhere that you feel resentful? If yes, identify a (loving) boundary that you can implement that doesn’t punish the other person and puts you in control of protecting your mental health and wellness. 


1 Tip or Resource to SUPPORT You

Use the following structure to define your boundary:


When you do <insert behavior you don’t want to tolerate>, I will <insert action you will take to protect your mental health and wellness>


Once you have shared the boundary you must follow through 100% of the time for it to be effective.


Tip: The action you will take to protect your mental health and wellness should not punish the other person or take something aways from them.